By Jack, on March 11, 2011
Director: John Treacy, Yolonda Squatpump
Cast: Ariauna Albright, Lilith Stabs, James Black, Tom Hoover, James L. Edwards
And you thought it couldn’t get any worse. After the shockingly unsuccessful “Bad Movie Police 1 (Galaxy of the dinosaurs in case you had scrubbed it from your memory with bleach) you would think that the filmmakers might just quietly take themselves off to a retirement home and do us all a favour. But no. They’re back. And this time it’s equally impersonal.
At least this time they have something vaguely funny to say and do look cute in their pseudo police outfits for the brief time they have onscreen, basically introducing the car pile up of a movie that we are about to see. Take my advice and turn it off after this section. Honestly, you’ll save a lot on psychiatric care bills.
You still there? Oh well, don’t say I didn’t wan you. Chick boxer is a movie that was originally distributed by the chaps who made this reversioning starring two somewhat plain looking ladies well past school age as high schoolers. Ugh. It’s bad and it’s going to get worse. These two, bless them, cannot act to save their lives and certainly not our sensibilities and stumble through the chaos of a script, occasionally half heartedly trying to learn martial arts moves. This plan of theirs has been inspired by a TV show (can you guess what it was called) which for some reason makes them decide to become Chick boxer herself and go into the mean streets to fight crime or something. (There is one amusing moment to be hand where they track down the actress who played Chick boxer in the TV series and ask her advice…she tells them exactly where they can go)
It’s just drivel and it continues to degenerate into the kind of mess you find outside a club on a Friday night though unfortunately, is less biodegradable. None of the performers stand out (apart from Michelle Bauer and she only literally) the script isn’t a script (apart from a very few fun lines that raise a genuine smile) and the production values are those that one would expect from chimps using Edison’s first cameras. Utterly hideously avoidable unless of course, you have a thing for REALLY bad movies. In that case this will be a goldmine of delight with more and more cheese infested greatness to heap upon your palate. If you’re anything like me, it’s something you’ll never watch again in your life, so I suppose it has that “one off uniqueness” to it if nothing else…
Previous: Abomination: The Evilmaker II Next: The Black Hole